The Truth about Qatari Men

by Yousra Abdelaal

Many expatriates have misconceptions about Qatari men. They think they are unapproachable, do not like to talk or to open up, and that socializing with them is a no-no.

Many fellow expatriates have told me that when they see Qatari men in their thowbs and ghetras, that they feel that their traditional dress is somehow a barrier between them as nationals and the expatriates as foreigners. Because of these misconceptions, a certain sense of mysteriousness has been created around Qatari men. Expatriates believe that they cannot be approached and cannot be crossed.

Approachable

The truth is, most Qatari men are approachable, and when you talk to them, they do respond and do open up. I have met many friendly, helpful, generous and humorous Qatari men in my time here in Qatar. When you go to shopping malls and see them, walking with their heads held high, in their designer sunglasses and their stiff starch-pressed thowbs and precisely arranged ghetras, you assume from their exterior appearance that they are to some extent aloof and have nothing in common with you. But, believe me, at the end of the day, most of them are just like us, with their own life problems, their own self-consciousness and their own imperfections. When at home, Qatari men are totally relaxed and nothing like the perfect image they may present while outside!

Wealthy?

The typical Qatari man to expatriates wears designer sunglasses, carries a designer pen in his thowb chest pocket, and has the latest mobile and a flashy car or Landcruiser. This image makes us assume that he is rich and leads a luxurious and easy life.

While there are many wealthy Qataris out there, the majority are just like us. Many Qatari men actually struggle financially. Many of their flashy cars they took out on a loan from the bank and some of those designer glasses and pens are not genuine. The exterior image they present of perfection is due to a mentality that Qatari men have installed in themselves and amongst themselves: it is all about masculinity and prestige and each Qatari man looks to and to some extent mentally scrutinizes the other, just like women do, hence each Qatari man is self-conscious of how he walks, how neatly pressed his thowb is, what car he drives and even how precisely his beard is trimmed.

Responsibility

We wrongly assume that most Qatari men live off their families' wealth and spend their lives racing in their cars and sitting around in coffee shops. Yes, a minority does, but the majority carries many responsibilities on their shoulders.

From high school Qatari men are aware of the fact that one day they will get married and have to support their wives and children, as well as, in many cases, their parents and siblings. They are aware of the high mahrs they have to pay when they get married, the expenses they have to pay for for their weddings and the house, car, servant and driver they have to provide for later on.

Many Qatari men take out huge loans from the government and banks to pay for all these expenses and spend some fifteen to twenty years paying them off. They also have many family obligations: they are expected to look after their mothers' and sisters' needs as a mahram, providing for them financially, protecting them, and driving and escorting them to wherever their mothers and sisters want to go. When they get married, they have both their families' obligations and then obligations to their wives.

Free Time

What do Qatari men do in their spare time? Most of them spend a small portion of every day in the majlis, chatting, watching TV, playing board games or video games, drinking coffee and eating snacks with other male friends and relatives. They love the Internet, spending hours chatting on Messenger and writing on forums.

As you already see and know, they go out with their male friends to coffee shops, shopping malls and the cinema. Many of them love the great outdoors and set up tents in the desert or at Sealine. They take up traditional hobbies like archery, rifle-shooting, falconry and horse riding. Many Qatari men are great romantics and write beautiful poetry and free prose and play the Ood.

So, my advice to any expatriate is to break down those barriers and get to know real Qatari men.

Yousra is a British expat who has been in Qatar for six years, has almost finished her BA in international affairs and during her time in Qatar has been qatarized - she wears an abaya and sheila, speaks the local dialect fluently and has learnt much about Qatari culture, customs, traditions (and the local men!) and is always trying to find out more.